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Dry and dangerous: the Unbreakable Umbrella

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October 10, 2010

The Unbreakable Umbrella is a peculiar mix of genteel elegance and chilling weaponry

The Unbreakable Umbrella is a peculiar mix of genteel elegance and chilling weaponry

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Looking like an unassuming weapon from Oddjob's arsenal, the Unbreakable Umbrella is the weapon of choice for well-heeled bowler-hatted gentlemen cum ninja assassins everywhere. It's also a good buy for anyone who has some cash to splash on a nifty umbrella that not only keeps the rain off but can carve up a watermelon with one well-placed chop.

Aside from making jam of unsuspecting fruit, these umbrellas can also withstand the weight of an adult man and are hand-crafted in Europe from high quality materials in limited quantities. Buyers can choose from a handle-crook or straight knob and all are supplied with a fabric sheath. Not only can this umbrella render a man unconscious, it can also withstand rain and severe wind as you'd hope to expect from any umbrella costing US$189.95.

The Unbreakable Umbrella comes from the slightly alarming Real Self Defense where they suggest that the ideal self defense weapons are “those that are legal to carry everywhere, do not attract attention, are simple to use and do not require practice”. We at Gizmag do not advocate going out and putting the kibosh on anyone, but with a “whack as strong as a steel pipe and weighing less than 2lbs” you could really give any would-be attacker something to cry about.

Perhaps Real Self Defense were inspired by Edward William Barton-Wright's lethal martial art Bartitsu, based on stick-work but applied in the modern day using umbrellas. Or perhaps they were inspired by George Borrow's quote from Wild Wales: “The respectable man sees you have an umbrella, and concludes that you do not intend to rob him, and with justice, for robbers never carry umbrellas... amongst the very best friends of man must be reckoned an umbrella.” Either way they are a peculiar mix of genteel elegance and chilling weaponry.

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